Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
