Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
