maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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