she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
