He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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