I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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