I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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