When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
