Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
