Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize