The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
