when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
