Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
