She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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