Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize