Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
