I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
