You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
