I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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