he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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