Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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