I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
