There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
