i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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