Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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