I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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