Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is it penis luge time yet?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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