woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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