I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
