I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
