this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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