you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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