I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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