low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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