dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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