We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
