my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
