Im at strip club and am horny
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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