Just cropdusted the office
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
