This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
