There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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