dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
