im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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