Yo dont text me then not text me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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