there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
