i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
