i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
