Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
