I wannas sexs uuuuu
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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