Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
