I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
