she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize