a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
