We're like a lot better than the average bears
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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