I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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