ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
