Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
