Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you would pick up someone in the library
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
