I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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