I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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