Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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