do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The Olympian is in my bed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
