He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so let's talk penis.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
