Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
