Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
