Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
