oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
