Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
