Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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