what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
honey bunches of taint.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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