I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
